|what the hell has been going on...
||[Apr. 26th, 2005|10:31 pm]
slap a hoe
Ok so here's the real update... the one I have been putting off.|
So... I went to rehab on February 8th... because I was feeling moderately suicidal...b/c I had just turned into a really fucked up person and I hated myself a whole lot. I stayed there, inpatient for 3 weeks, outpatient for 4 more, and then I moved into this halfway house and I live with 5 other girls who are all pretty ,uch going through the same "transition" or whatever the fuck you wanna call it.
I am feeling a lot better. For one thing, I have sort of come to grips with some of the shitty stuff I've done. I have come to terms with the fact that I was just really confused, and that I wasn't a bad person, I just did some bad things. And now I can fix them and make sure that they don't happen again. I mean it isn't enough I guess but it's all I can do, right?
I'm currently working 2 jobs and volunteering at Must Ministries, I also go to one to three AA meetings every day, 3 house meetings a week, and 2 therapies a week... so if you don't get to see me, please don't think I don't love you... I am just trying really hard to make this time count so I don't ever have to go to rehab #3.
I have a lot of new friends and they are awesome and it is SO nice to meet people with the same struggles and insecurities that I have. Of course I still have my old friends too... I sort of fucked up with some of them and we are all working through it. It's hard, but such is life I suppose. Neal and Jeff are still my favorite boys, I speak to Carissa a lot, Kathryn and I text, and I hope to see Ninahead and Rhiannon on my 21st birthday, or at least around then b/c it's only 10 DAYS AWAY!!! And b/c I miss everyone ohh so terribly much.
I have a sponsor and she is amazing. She listens to my music <3 and she's just the smartest person ever. Plus we have a lot of the same beliefs which is cool. But I feel like my life is really going somewhere, and like when I get all of this intensive shit out of the way that I might actually be somewhat happy, and not so freaking passive agressive or scared or such a liar. But I alreadyfeel 10 times better than I did before even last week.
I hope everyone is well.